dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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