And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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