dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
