I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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