Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
