We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
