wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
