If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
