If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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