reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
