I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize