For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
