He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
