just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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