Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
