after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
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i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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