I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
