Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
