worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My breasts were aching with rage.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
