Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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