Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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