Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
