i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
