Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
