and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
