This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
