I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
