evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
