i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
