I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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