he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
