How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
