HIV tests are more positive than that guy
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
