ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
