So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
