Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
