She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
