I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
