you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We're using joints as your birthday candles
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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