..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
