I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
