I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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