ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
