you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
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She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
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You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast