Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
