When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I cuddled with a man named Pickles