I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"