I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
