You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I love you. Go after that dick
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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