she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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