i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
