so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
