3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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