so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
