we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
