In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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