i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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