haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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