two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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