office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
