she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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